The Soap in my Sheets

Oh yes- you read that correctly. And I shall explain. The other day while perusing our local paper, I saw where a lady had written into the medical column extolling the virtues of soap... in the bed. Now lest you think this is going in the gutters, let me assure you that it isn't. The bar of soap is placed under the sheets at the foot of the bed to ward off leg cramps. Normally I do not have this affliction, but when I am pregnant, it is something ferocious that I deal with nightly, so I was intrigued. I mean, who wouldn't be? So I did what any girl my age does-- I googled it. I came up with TONS (312,000, to be precise) of sites all proclaiming that soap in the bed, though it has no medical reason to whatsoever, prevents leg cramps at night.

Normally this is something I would definitely scoff at, mocking these poor, mislead saps in my head for their gullibility. But this time, no... I was sucked in like an infomercial for the Magic Bullet food processor. (If you've seen that one, you tell me you weren't tempted. I dare you!) But what is this.... to my dismay, Dove soap will not work. Why? I have no idea and neither do they, all I know is that Dove is the only brand I use, I have none other in the house. But am I dissuaded? NO!! I am on a mission to cure my leg cramps using this seemingly useless old wives remedy. So I grabbed an old sock whose mate had long since been devoured by the dryer, stuffed a bar of Dove in it and shoved it between the mattress and bottom sheet of the bed, forming a very bizarre lump near my feet.

That was over a week ago. I have not had a single leg cramp since then. I've started to get them, but snaked my foot over to my magical bar of soap and it went away before it clenched into that all too familiar ball of fiery pain. I'm pretty dang sure that the only way that this works is in my head, that there really can be no explanation other that I have convinced myself that it works, so it does. It's all psychosomatic. I can deal with that... I can deal with that way more than leg cramps. So there you have it- my little plug for soapy sheets. You can mock me, Jacob does relentlessly, but then, he doesn't get leg cramps either.